Tuesday, February 22, 2011

a time (out) to love

Sunday afternoon Bradley went out back to play in his sandbox.  He took the little men who drive his bulldozer and dump truck out of their respective vehicles.  He announced to my mom,
"they love each other."
Then, mom said he put them in time out.
"Why did they go to time out?" I inquired.
"I was afraid to ask," she replied!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Caught on camera

It's time for our weekly (more like bi-weekly) blog on the funny stuff Bradley says and does. 

During a recent trip to Target, while walking past the lingerie section, Bradley points and says loudly, "Boobie things! Boobie things." 
Awesome... just awesome.  I was so embarassed that I pushed the basket quickly on to get to the next, and much safer section in the store:  the socks.

Anecdote #2:  A couple nights ago, I left B alone because he had gone into his room to poop.  (Yep, he knows when he needs to go, and he wants to be left alone, but he refuses to go Number 2 on the potty.)  So I let him be to do his business.  However, a few minutes later Bradley came into the next room and announced that he was wearing makeup!

And THIS is what I saw:
 He had gotten into a red ink pad from a stamp set he'd gotten for Valentine's Day, and smeared ink all over his mouth- his idea of lipstick!!
I cracked up and am so glad I grabbed the camera and snapped this Kodak moment.  He'll kill me one day when he's older for this, but oh did I get a laugh at his expense this night!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Happy Hearts Day, the prequel

We celebrated Valentine's Day last Sunday night with the family. Laura, George, and the weenies came over for dinner.  We had onion-stuffed burgers, grilled veggies, and sweet potato fries.  For desert, mom made these little chocolate covered heart shaped cakes that were a pain in the you-know-what to make, and we were so stuffed from dinner that none of us could hardly enjoy them, they were so rich!

Bradley got some candy, a ton of stickers, a few little cars, some stamps, and Mary Poppins on dvd, among other little dollar store treats I managed to find.

He was probably most excited at the balloon from Laura & George, though.

 My goofy brother in law, and the weenies
 I'm holding up my candy from Bradley.  This was hardly a surprise as B had asked me numerous times leading up to Valentine's Day if we could have some of my candy before mom would shush him and remind him that it was a surprise!
Check out the chipmunk cheeks full of candy!
 I have finally learned the secret to getting Bradley to smile in pictures!!!  See here?  Let me let you in on a little secret:  It's called reverse psychology!
 "Don't you smile, Bradley!  Don't you dare smile!"
 I can't believe I look so crappy when I am finally getting him to smile with me in a picture!
The color-coordinated cheshire cats cheesin'

I enjoyed our little Valentine's celebration.  Bradley got me some candy, new brown socks which I have desperately needed, new pink pajamas, and a really pretty pink jeweled frame with a picture of me and him in it.  The boy can shop, I tell ya!

A Happy Hearts Day

I have to admit, I was dreading Valentine's Day.  Yes, I know, it's a pointless Hallmark holiday, but when you're single (again) it only serves to remind you of your own singleness.  For the past 3 years, I had a "Valentine."  And this year would be different. 

I came downstairs on Valentine's Day morning, and was wearing a bronze-colored headband. 

Mommy, is that your crown, Bradley asked.  Are you a princess?

Yes, yes I am, I happily replied, and you are mommy's little prince.

That innocent comment from my sweet boy just made my day, and helped me start off the day right.  I met Queen MAB for lunch and got a buy-one-get-one-free lunch at Qdoba for giving her, my "valentine," an air smooch.  (I believe they're called a bisou, Em?) And at work we were even given a small vase with pink roses and lilies that was a welcome addition to my desk this week.

So all in all, it really was a wonderful day.  And I came to realize that celebrating Valentine's doesn't have to be about spending money on a romantic partner (the Eros kind of love), but it can just be about embracing the day of Love (and PINK!) and celebrating it with those you love in a different way (the Agape, or Fileo).  And I also came to the realization that Valentine's Day really only matters if you're single, or in a brand new relationship.  The world wants you to think that it's a huge deal, and that if you're the husband that forgets Valentine's Day, you'll be in the dog house all year long, but the married couples that I know don't make a big deal about it all.  So I shouldn't either.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Side-Splittingly Funny

How do these things always happen to me?  I think that Jesus must know how much I love to write, and so he throws me some funny curve balls along the way for blog fodder.  Here's today's latest epic event:

I'm sure everyone has felt the horror at one time or another of looking down and realizing your barn door's open aka your pants are unzipped.  Well this morning at work, I looked down at my lap and noticed my inner thigh peeking up at me.  You're not supposed to look down at your pants and see skin!  I quickly realized that the inseam of my (new) pants had at least a 3 inch gaping hole in them!  As I continued to examine them, all the while glancing over my shoulder praying that no one else would notice my pious pants (they were holey... get it?), I had to laugh when I saw a 1 inch hole on the left leg inseam as well.  

Crap.  Who all have I come in contact with this morning that might have noticed my seams flapping in the wind, and what am I going to do to repair this?

Quickly, I went through my options in my head.  My inner monologue went something like this:

1.  There are no clothing stores close to where I work.
2.  I live too far away to run home and change.
3.  It is ten o'clock in the morning... this is going to be one long, awkward day!
4.  Should I send out an office-wide email asking if anyone has safety pins?
5.  No, because then I will have to explain myself, and even on the off chance that someone would have one safety pin, I would need multiple pins.
6.  Maybe I could run to Walgreens and buy a sewing kit and repair them myself in the bathroom.
7.  Ha ha- good one, Amanda, you don't sew!

In the meantime I texted mom.  These were new, old Express pants that I bought several years ago, and meant to return because they were too big, but never did.  Well desperate times call for desperate measure, so even though the Express pants were still a little baggy, I had mom hem them so I could at least gain a new pair of work pants.

Via text message, mom swore she hadn't touched the inseams, and suggested tape or staples to keep the holes in check.

Staples- brilliant!  I think that would work, but I can't just take my stapler and walk into the bathroom.  People are going to think I'm crazy.  I'm sure they already do anyways, but let's not add fuel to the fire.

Once again, I checked my surroundings, waited til the coast was clear, and grabbed my purse and flung the stapler in there.  Off to the ladies room I went.  I turned the pants inside out in the stall and started to staple away when I realized there was someone else in the bathroom.  I felt like the sound of a stapler in a neighboring bathroom stall might have roused some suspicion, so I waited until she was gone, stapling once more for good measure during the loud flush, then setting to work once it was just me.

As horrific as the situation was, I had to laugh at myself.  Who staples their pants in a bathroom?  I was afraid the staples were going to cut up my legs, but they were surprisingly unobtrusive.  There was enough seam material to tack together that my row of staples held pretty well on both pants legs.

Later on in the afternoon, I did notice the right leg hole getting bigger, so back to the bathroom I went, purse and stapler in tow, to repair the now 6 inch gap, but all in all, I'd say things could have been much worse.  I changed pants the minute I hit the door tonight, though.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Snow Big Deal (oh yes it was!)

Yesterday's commute home will be one I won't forget.  I watched the snow start to fall downtown around 3 p.m., and within half an hour, the roads were starting to get white, and the tops of the roofs below were solid white.  I knew I was in for trouble and should have left at the first sign of bad weather.  Problem is, we've had so much snow this year already, that I was hesitant to leave early and miss more work for nothing.  As it turns out, yesterday was not "nothing."  I finished what I needed to do, including some crapy last minute stuff for an ungrateful person, and then I was out the door a little before 3:45 p.m.

After I hit the hour mark in my car, not even making it out of downtown Nashville, I settled in for a long evening.  The radio weather and traffic reports were so rushed and incomplete, that it only frustrated me, so I resolved myself to listening to cds to calm my nerves.  I made it through 3 cds during the drive home!
An hour and a half later, I made it onto the interstate.  At least then I started to crawl along at a steady pace.  5 miles per hour on the interstate, but at least it wasn't the gridlocked parking lot that downtown was.
Somewhere along I-65, and after nightfall, I hit the 2 hour mark.  The snow continued to fall, and I kept having to turn on my rear defrost to keep my back window clear.  I saw abandoned cars, and passed several wrecks along the way.

Pulling off I-65 around 6:30 p.m. was one of the happiest moments of my life!  It was then that I realized just how hungry I was, and just how bad I had to pee.  I think my nerves had kept both of those things in check til now.  It also hit me that I could have made it to Lexington, Kentucky in the time that it had taken me to get home today. 

Finally, at 7:15pm, 3 and 1/2 hours later, I made it home.  My friend Lisa wins the award for longest commute home yesterday, at 5.75 hours in her car, and Queen MAB went 3 miles in 3 hours.  Let's just say I made the executive decision to stay home today after dealing with that nightmare last night.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Not music to my ears

Anybody in America knows what today was- the 7th anual Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet, of course.  But it was also Superbowl 45 (who knew?!)  And as if watching the greatest football game in the land isn't enough entertainment bang for your $900-a-ticket buck, then they throw in some pre-game and half-time entertainment as well.  I admittedly missed the pre-game show (hey, the Puppy Bowl was still on!) but I did tune in in time for Lea Michelle to sing God Bless America, and Christina Augilera to sing a remix of the National Anthem.

Of course I love music, and of course I am very critical.  But I think both of these ladies have phenomenal voices, and I also think that both of these ladies phenomenaly sucked it up tonight.  Lea Michelle, aka Rachel on GLEE, butchered "God Bless America" with her belting Broadway vocal antics, basically screaming each line of the song.  And, well, by now we all know that the Genie is probably wishing she could shrink back into her bottle after botching the words of the Star Spangled Banner.  "What so proudly we watched..." yeah, we bet Francis Scott Key is rolling over in his grave right about now.  Perhaps Christina was battling a case of nerves tonight, but I have a different theory.  She's a seasoned veteran performer, and has amazing pipes to prove it.  I think a more likely explanation for her flub is that every superbowl national anthem singer is keenely aware that they are trying to one-up their predesessors, and let's face it, no one's come close to Whitney.  So here the Burlesque star was tonight, trying to impress with her vocal acobatics, and I think she sang the song so slowly, that she got lost.  It's easy to do, and the national anthem is honestly one of the hardest songs to sing when it's done straightforward.  Forget all the twists and turns, and just sing it, Christina!  As she went on, she got worse.  Okay, fine, you flubbed a line, but then she overcompensated and wiggled and wobbled all over the music staff, (and the pitch), and what resulted was a performance that people will be talking about for years to come for sure, but not in the way Ms. Augilera likely wishes they would.

Fast forward to halftime (oh yeah, a half of football was just played here).  The Black Eyed Peas' halftime show was a train wreck and a half(time).  I believe they have proved that no matter how much auto tune you use in the studio, and what a cool effect it can have on a track, it doesn't translate live, and the audience isn't dumb.  They know bad music when they hear it, and no amount of glowing dancers, fireworks, and flashing lights are going to fool the audience into thinking they're being entertained.  While I beebop along to the Black Eyed Peas in my car as much as the next person, I've realized now that they can't hold it together live, and so they had to pull stunts like bringing in Slash (Can we say, most random appearance ever) and Usher coming down from the sky (my favorite part about this was that producers felt we needed to see Usher's name in lights so we'd know who he was) in order to boost their own chart topping numbers.  I think my favorite halftime debacle of all though were the stage lights malfunctioning.  During the song, "Where is the Love?" the stage lights intended to spell LOVE actually read LOE.  Where is the LOE, indeed? 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the last musical number of the superbowl, the new episode of GLEE!