Friday, February 11, 2011

Side-Splittingly Funny

How do these things always happen to me?  I think that Jesus must know how much I love to write, and so he throws me some funny curve balls along the way for blog fodder.  Here's today's latest epic event:

I'm sure everyone has felt the horror at one time or another of looking down and realizing your barn door's open aka your pants are unzipped.  Well this morning at work, I looked down at my lap and noticed my inner thigh peeking up at me.  You're not supposed to look down at your pants and see skin!  I quickly realized that the inseam of my (new) pants had at least a 3 inch gaping hole in them!  As I continued to examine them, all the while glancing over my shoulder praying that no one else would notice my pious pants (they were holey... get it?), I had to laugh when I saw a 1 inch hole on the left leg inseam as well.  

Crap.  Who all have I come in contact with this morning that might have noticed my seams flapping in the wind, and what am I going to do to repair this?

Quickly, I went through my options in my head.  My inner monologue went something like this:

1.  There are no clothing stores close to where I work.
2.  I live too far away to run home and change.
3.  It is ten o'clock in the morning... this is going to be one long, awkward day!
4.  Should I send out an office-wide email asking if anyone has safety pins?
5.  No, because then I will have to explain myself, and even on the off chance that someone would have one safety pin, I would need multiple pins.
6.  Maybe I could run to Walgreens and buy a sewing kit and repair them myself in the bathroom.
7.  Ha ha- good one, Amanda, you don't sew!

In the meantime I texted mom.  These were new, old Express pants that I bought several years ago, and meant to return because they were too big, but never did.  Well desperate times call for desperate measure, so even though the Express pants were still a little baggy, I had mom hem them so I could at least gain a new pair of work pants.

Via text message, mom swore she hadn't touched the inseams, and suggested tape or staples to keep the holes in check.

Staples- brilliant!  I think that would work, but I can't just take my stapler and walk into the bathroom.  People are going to think I'm crazy.  I'm sure they already do anyways, but let's not add fuel to the fire.

Once again, I checked my surroundings, waited til the coast was clear, and grabbed my purse and flung the stapler in there.  Off to the ladies room I went.  I turned the pants inside out in the stall and started to staple away when I realized there was someone else in the bathroom.  I felt like the sound of a stapler in a neighboring bathroom stall might have roused some suspicion, so I waited until she was gone, stapling once more for good measure during the loud flush, then setting to work once it was just me.

As horrific as the situation was, I had to laugh at myself.  Who staples their pants in a bathroom?  I was afraid the staples were going to cut up my legs, but they were surprisingly unobtrusive.  There was enough seam material to tack together that my row of staples held pretty well on both pants legs.

Later on in the afternoon, I did notice the right leg hole getting bigger, so back to the bathroom I went, purse and stapler in tow, to repair the now 6 inch gap, but all in all, I'd say things could have been much worse.  I changed pants the minute I hit the door tonight, though.

1 comment:

Bethie said...

That is hilarious, Amanda! It reminds me of the time I had my own inseam horror story. Stephen and I were going to the theater one evening after work. We decided I would pick him up at his office and we would get ready at his aunt's house near where he worked. I picked out a dress that I hadn't worn for a while. It was snug but not uncomfortably so. We finish getting ready walk out the door and get in the car. As I make the move from standing outside the car to sitting inside the car I hear the dreaded, riiiiiiiiiiip, and suddenly the dress was much more comfortable... and drafty. The dress split from the bottom all the way to the middle of my back. As I ran inside to put back on my other clothes, I think I gave my aunt's neighbor a little show. :)