Wednesday, June 08, 2011

367 days later

It's hard to imagine that an entire year has gone by since we've been back in Tennessee.

I have always tried to paint the best picture of my life without oversharing or airing my dirty laundry on the internet. Still, it's no secret that in not too long a time period I met my future husband, married, had Bradley and got divorced.
Last summer I struggled as I watched one week pass being home in Tennessee, then one month, then two, then six.  And then the date of June 6th loomed in the distance.  I began to count down to the one-year mark, and have thought back to the events of last spring with so much sadness.  It was nearing the end, but I didn't know it at the time.  But here it is, one year later. 

Trust me, I never agreed with divorce.  I truly saw things in black and white and believed that marriage was forever, whether you were happy or not.  Fortunately, I am seeing things in shades of gray nowadays, and I, like all of us, am a work in progress with Jesus.  I still believe that God hates divorce.  God hates all sin.  But staying together in a toxic relationship didn't cover the multitude of sins that our relationship created, nor were we doing ourselves or Bradley any favors.  Not surprisingly, Brian and I are both happier with this result.  I trust God with the overall big picture, but it's the little things I'm struggling to turn over to Him.    I guess I am still in the grieving period, even though I am overall a much happier and healthier person these days.
So this day comes, and I mourn the loss of a dream, and I celebrate the hope for the future. 


Emily said...

My dear sweet precious friend, I love your honesty. And I love you. God is in the business of redemption and restoration, and I see a mighty work in your life. Hold on, because He is nowhere near finished with you. He works ALL things for good (Rom 8:28), and He is faithful to continue His work until it is finished (Phil 1:6). I am so proud of the mother, daughter, friend, sister-in-Christ that you are.

Natrudy said...

Thank you for sharing with such honesty FR. I can't begin to understand the hurt and loss from a divorce, but I have experienced great loss, the probability of a hope of mine never coming to fruition, and fear of Hope dying. I believe we all may experience different hurts in Life, but they all come down to the same root issue..trusting that the Lord really does have our best interests at heart when it seems our hopes have been crushed. I love you and treasure you. He loves you so much more. :-)