Saturday, August 22, 2009

shade, and poo, and the ocean blue

Bradley and I were in uncharted territory today. We went to the beach by ourselves. Some friends of ours were supposed to meet us there, but at the last minute they backed out on us. I was already in my swimsuit, and lathering up Bradley with sunscreen when I found out. To heck with this, I thought. I'm not going to let my beach plans get spoiled. We can go by ourselves. So away we went.

I'm used to hauling Bradley, the umbrella, and the beach bag down to the beach by myself, but it's no picnic, let me tell you. It's a Looong way from the parking lot to the ocean! Nevertheless, I was not to be deterred from my Saturday at the beach. I wisely selected a spot in front of the lifeguard stand, lest I get attacked by a shark in the water with Bradley in my arms. I wanted eyewitness, and a chance at being saved. So I spread out Clifford the big red blanket, and commenced to set up the beach umbrella. I've decided after today that Satan's minions are in control of that umbrella. I literally lost count of how many times the umbrella uprooted itself from the sand, no matter how deep I twisted it into the ground, or which direction I pointed the shade. What really burned me up was that not one person offered to help me, when I was obviously alone with a baby, and obviously struggling to keep the thing standing so my little boy could have shade. Not even the friendly lifeguards would even look my way. As I looked around at all the other umbrellas dotting the beach, they mocked me in their upright position. Why was this so difficult? Brian never has trouble with it, so it's my own ineptitude to blame, but I'd rather put the fault on Satan's minions.

The last straw with the umbrella was the final time it decided to blow out of the ground and turn inside out, barely missing impaling my son. I jumped up and caught hold of the thing, flipped it back right side out, threw it on the ground and buried it in the sand so it wouldn't fly away and hurt some poor beach goer who refused to help me. Maybe I should have let karma take over on that one.

There was one other event that made this beach trip so memorable. Right after we got there, Bradley was sitting on Clifford in the shade of the still-standing umbrella, and I had just given him some goldfish to munch on. All of a sudden I am smacked in the face by the distinct aroma of poo. I wince in horror, praying it's not what I think it is. But I'm fairly perceptive when it comes to the scent of poo, so I was unfortunately right on the mark. Now mind you, Bradley has never once had a poopy diaper at the beach, but of course it would happen today, the one time I'm by myself to deal with it. I weigh my options. Go all the way back to the car and change his diaper, or two, remove the offensive cloth and wipe Bradley clean with the 2 measly wipes that I found in my beach bag, and then scrub him down in the ocean. I opted for door number 2, pun intended.

I figure, it's not a swimming pool right? The ocean is big enough to handle a little feces every now and then. So off came the diaper, back on went the swim trunks, and into the ocean we went. All in all it was not nearly as dramatic as it could have been, and the only immediate negative side effect from this decision was the smell of poo from the nearby diaper lying in the sand, wafting in my general direction every so often while I was soaking up the rays.

Between the dirty diaper episode and me chasing the umbrella every 10 minutes we somehow managed to stick it out for about 2 hours. Finally we gave up, packed up and headed home to shower. Along the way back to the car, I deposited one busted umbrella and one stinky diaper in the trash receptacle, glad to have both off my hands.


MamaB said...

Its a ME generation and no one seems concerned with helping anyone. I see it every day at school. Sad, but true.

emmysue said...

I loved this story. I know it probably wasn't funny at the time, but it made me smile after the fact. You go, supermom!! And I'll be praying for Bradley's appt on Wed.