Sunday, July 26, 2009

Shoes Blues

Twelve minutes and thirty five seconds. That is exactly how long I got to talk to Brian today. I never knew that a phone call could make me so overjoyed, or so overcome with sadness at the same time. Most of you know this by now, but Brian has left for Afghanistan, and won't be back until sometime in November. It seems like an eternity away at this point, but those who have been through spouses deploying before tell me that the first two weeks are the hardest. After that, you realize you can do it, and you create a new normal, and a new routine.

I look around and see Brian everywhere. His shoes by the front door, his towell hanging in the bathroom, his Mountain Dew bottle left on the counter, and I don't want to move any of it because I don't want to take "him" out of our home, and of our lives. But then my OCD kicks in, and slowly but surely I am starting to put the towell in the hamper to be washed, and rinse out the Mountain Dew bottle and put it in the recycling bin. The shoes however, are a different story. Even though that's one of the tiny things I've learned to accept about living with Brian- he leaves a pair of shoes by the door so he can slip them on when he leaves. I would prefer they stay hidden on a shoetree in our closet. But those shoes laying there on our front step just remind me of him, as if I could forget anyways. So the shoes will stay where they are. At least for now.


emmysue said...

When I was a little girl and afraid of monsters in the closet, my mom put a pair of my brother's shoes (large ones, I might add) at the end of my bed. She told me that monsters were afraid of large shoes. It's amazing how much comfort a pair of shoes can bring. I'm praying you'll find a lot of comfort in the coming months. Come see us! Love you!!

Bethany said...

Oh Manda....I am SO sorry! I just can't imagine!!! But I know that God has already graced you for what you will need through this process. I will be praying, and please let us know if there's anything we can do...even from so far away!