Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Handel-ing Things

Saturday was my first performance with the Pensacola Choral Society. It's P-cola's version of the Nashville Symphony Chorus, but it's apparent we aren't in Nashville anymore Toto!

Every Monday night I go to rehearsals while Brian watches Bradley and somehow manages to get more housework done in 3 hours than I do all week sometimes. Every Monday I begrudgingly go, knowing I'll have fun and enjoy singing once I get there (I did this most Mondays in Nashville too, to be fair), and every Monday while I sit in the choir room of Pensacola Junior College, I think about Dr. Mabry, director of the NSC, and all the hard work we put into Handel's Messiah last year. And then I snap back into reality and look around at the much smaller, less talented, and much older chorus in Pensacola, and I wallow in self pity for a minute and think how much difference a year can make.

A year ago I was pregnant with Bradley. I sang in a brand new, state-of-the-art Schermerhorn Symphony Hall, with a professional chorus, and I sang my butt off and perfected every nuance of Handel's masterpiece with fierce concentration, an abundance of joy, and a proud appreciation for what we as a choir, and I as a singer, had accomplished.

This year Bradley is 6 months old. Saturday night I sang in a church gymnasium with plastic folding chairs for the audience. I dreaded the concert, embarrassed at how amateur our performance was going to be. And I wallowed in a good amount of self-pity as I drove the 45 minutes out to BFE where the concert was held.

But you know what? Handel's Messiah is still Handel's Messiah no matter where it's performed. And sure there were mistakes made all over the place; we sang at one volume level the entire time: forte, and our pitch was less than perfect, but as much as I dreaded that concert, something miraculous happened that night. I sang with a joy and passion I have been lacking for longer than I can remember. My voice felt strong and clear, and I worshipped God through music paying more attention to the text than the notes! And when it was all said and done, I was glad I had sung.

To be certain, I miss Nashville for more reasons than I can count, the Symphony Chorus being one of them, but I am still pleasantly surprised when I find reasons to be happy here too.

An added bonus to Saturday was that Ann, Jim, Jesse, Brian, and Bradley were all there to hear me sing, and Bradley loved the concert! He stayed awake the entire time, and bounced on Ann's lap to the music. Maybe he recognized the music from last year's in utero hearing?


Katie said...

Aww Bradley... your blog gave me chills! I love how God reaches us in the most unlikely ways. I'm glad you did it... I bet they were thrilled to have such a talented musician in their midst.

Natrudy said...

This is such a great blog FR. It's a great reminder to me that if I'll just look for the things that I'm thankful for, I would be overwhelmed.

MamaB said...

Of course, Bradley enjoyed the beautiful music--he is a Bradley!! And I'm glad you enjoyed your performance because your spirit was in the right place!