Friday, January 25, 2008

Decaffinated rant

(Warning: what you are about to read is a hormonal rant from a pregnant woman. The attitude and tone of the piece is in no way shape or form reflective of her "normal" self and is likely to be looked back upon as a humorous anecdote. However, at the time it was written, it was considered the utmost unfairness in all of life and has affected the author in ways others cannot imagine. Please love her anyways and don't hold this against her. And please bring her Starbucks. And lots of it... after the baby is born that is.)

I want my coffee, dang it! What is with the irony that a woman who becomes pregnant is suddenly deprived of all her favorite things when this is supposed to be a blessed time in her life? I am Grouchy Mcgroucherson this morning, and all I want is my morning cup of coffee to enjoy with my breakfast! I've been careful to watch my caffeine intake throughout my pregnancy, but just last week another study came out warning mommies to be about the impending dangers of caffeine, and specifically coffee.

Well I am a typical human. I want what I can't have. And now I want coffee more than ever! I can't drink. I can't go to smoky bars to hear live music, even if I didn't drink any alcohol. I can't have cold lunch meat, or soft cheeses, or cookie dough, or cake batter. I'm tired and not sleeping well, and yet I am deprived of my favorite morning pick-me-up! Darn you, researchers! My grandmother smoked and drank, and ate who knows what when she was pregnant and she delivered 7 healthy children. So why now- what is so horrible about a cup of Joe- a container of cappuccino- a jar of java- a little latte- a mug of mochachino??


Anonymous said...

i am sorry that you can not have coffee. drink half a coke instead.

Rhonda said...

I'm sorry as well, but your brought me a smile!

Jordan & Bethany said...

Drink decaf...and tell yourself it's real- maybe the mindgames will work ;-)

Mark Kelly Hall said...

This is all part of God's when you're going through the actual childbirth, you can tell yourself "At least when this is over I can have myself a great big latte and a cigarette!* AND I'll be holding a cute little baby who's too young to know about caffeine or nicotine, so I won't have to share!"

*(I know you don't smoke but chances are you'll still find this thought helpful.)

MamaB said...

I drank a cup of coffee probably every day while I was pregnant with you and Laura and look how well you both turned out!!!!These researchers are getting paid the big bucks by the bottled water producers so have a half a cup of joe and show them who is boss.   Little Bradley can handle his caffeine!!!!